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<-- my life, by webgoddesscathy -->

:: Saturday, September 17, 2005 ::
I've managed to get in a couple of Toronto Film Festival flicks this year.

Thursday, I saw Linda Linda Linda with Sarah. It was a great, fun movie and sent me home, humming the tune. I find Japanese movies so delightfully awkward. They're not afraid to just point the camera at a shy girl hanging her head, mumbling "mm".

Tonight I saw House of Sand.

What a fantastic film.
The Brazilian director, Andrucha Waddington, was there to answer questions. It was a fascinating road to that movie - years in the making. And you can see that it was made with a lot of care.

A quick synopsis, if you don't care to read it at the TIFF website, is that it's about 3 generations of women trapped in the unhospitable sand dunes of Brazil.

What's touched me about the film was the theme.

The main character spends years desperately trying to get back to civilization. One day, when her chance has escaped for the second time, she suddenly comes to an acceptance of her lot and finds contentedness.

After about 60 years in relative isolation from the world, she's told that man has landed on the moon. Incredulous, she asks what they found there.

"Nothing. Sand."

One can spend a lifetime trying to be somewhere else, looking for something better or different - or just anything other than where they are and who they're with. And even if they reach that goal, it is often not any better than what they left behind.

It doesn't matter whether you have new clothes, make that promotion or record, or even if you know what's going on in the world.

None of these things are useful in the true sense. One could (and people do) live quite blissfully without them. In fact, one could argue, more blissfully.

All you need is a simple life with people who love you.

Why have I been chasing something more?

:: Cathy 9:30 PM [+] :: 0 comments

:: Monday, September 12, 2005 ::
Choir has started up again and I decided to give it another go.

I know I don't have a lot of time, but I figure it's something that I've always wanted to do/be better at, so why not?

The first time around was very difficult for me, not being able to read music. But this time, I know what I'm in for. I'm prepared. I know I have to get that tape and practice outside of rehearsal.

And then one day I'll turn into a magical Diva and everyone will adore me and pay me heaps of money to listen to me sing. At least, that's what I always dreamt when I was a child.

It's unfortunate that time spent on such things is just another day taken out of the week when I could be doing OTHER things. There never seems to be enough time.

  • I was thinking of taking a course.
  • And then there's my quilt(s).
  • And reading.
  • And bike riding adventures with friends.
  • And Alex's band nights.
  • Walking Tree's dog.
  • Paying bills.
  • Updating my website.
  • Finishing my Australia photoalbum/scrapbook.
  • Installing my new cheap harddrive (160 Gb for $60!)
  • Yoga.
  • Decorating my apartment.
  • Selling my timeshare for this December.

    Where does it end?
    And WHEN will I have time to prepare for my performance evaluation that's coming up? Who wants to volunteer to prepare me for that one?!

    :: Cathy 7:25 PM [+] :: 2 comments

    :: Sunday, September 11, 2005 ::
    This weekend I went to visit my grandmother in Wallaceburg.

    Although she can't see or hear very well, she's doing pretty damn good for being over 90. I was able to work on my quilt with my mom and my grandma seemed pretty interested in it, even though she probably couldn't see it very well. She seemed pretty proud that I was doing it. She used to do them herself until her eyes started to fail.

    She talked about her routine every day and about how she runs out of things to do and sits in her chair, waiting for the next thing to do. I wonder how it feels.

    I offered to help her do the dishes, for example, but she didn't want help. I think it was because otherwise she wouldn't have anything to do.

    She can't go outside because the heat bothers her. And when you can't see or hear well, there's not a whole lot that you can do. She knows where everything is in her kitchen and can find it by feel. She sees shapes and she can hear when it's very quiet and you're talkig very loud.

    So she dozes in her chair a lot. She doesn't sleep well at night.

    I looked around at all the pictures of her and my grandfather and I felt really sad that he's no longer around. I know it was difficult on her to take care of him, but I wonder how she feels now about him being gone. I was afraid to ask.

    I did ask her about how she met my grandpa and about her family and she seemed happy to talk about them.

    And it made me realize that, somewhere in there is a girl who once met a cute guy with big ears at a dance and thought, hey maybe he's the one. Somewhere in there is the young woman who left her entire family behind to move to a new country where her and her husband could buy and work their own farm... far away from everyone she knew.

    I wish I had known that girl - what she once dreamed about, how she felt on her wedding day.

    I wish I had asked how she feels about the life that led to this conclusion. But one doesn't know how such a question will be recieved. Or whether one really wants to know the answer.

    :: Cathy 5:58 PM [+] :: 2 comments

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